A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
Two kittens on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a beer and asks the bartender how much he owes. The bartender replies, “For you? No charge.”
И там ещё некоторые буквы не читаются)
классика)
Army doctor: Have you any physical defects?
Inductee: Yes. No guts
или
Proud Father: our household represents the whole United Kingdom. I'm English, my wife's Irish, the nurse represents Scotland, and the baby wails.
Что значит no guts?
про шитцу можете разъяснить ? )
Шутка Барни из "Как я встретил вашу маму":
What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
You can’t peanut butter your dick up someone’s ass.